Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
