I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
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Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think I sprained my soul last night
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
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The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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