wanna go halves on a baby?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
