obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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