I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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