he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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