A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
