My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
