i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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