That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
