the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
