3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
