i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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