you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
