You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
