Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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