Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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