Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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