Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
