FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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