I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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