Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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