Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
