I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She announced her abortion via fbk
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I see more hoeing in ur future
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
