He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
