Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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