i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
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