We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
