Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
