If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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