I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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