If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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