my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
