she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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