its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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