he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
