My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
