just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
