What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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