Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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