3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Randomize
