i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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