And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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