Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
