I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
