I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
