Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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