I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
