btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
