He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
