He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
