We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
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he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
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My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day