Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.