at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
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Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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