He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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