cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
