I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
