thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
