I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
