So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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