dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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