can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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