hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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