Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
