yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
