paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
