I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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