you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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