He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
