i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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