I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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