i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
